I know that this blog largely revolves around women, dating, and of course Kate and her foray into the dating world; however, I would like to take a moment to acknowledge all my great single guy friends also in search of that thing called love. My friend Nemo (note to reader this is a pseudonym as he asked me not to use his real name) is a great guy, who unfortunately has not been that lucky with love in the last year. He had the unfortunate experience of finding out that his fiancée was cheating on him with his best friend. Needless to say the relationship ended and he has been reluctantly thrust back into the dating scene. To his credit, he approaches dating with enthusiasm and gusto. I am incredibly impressed with his no nonsense approach to landing the first date. He has become an expert at going on first dates with women. However, in his effort to find a connection with the right woman, Nemo has a tendency to go on too many first dates and spreads himself too thin in the process. He is looking for what we are all looking for (or at least what most of us are looking for in our late 20s and early 30s) someone to share your life with. He has admitted that he actually thinks about if he could see himself with a woman he dates for the long-haul. I think its rather refreshing and endearing that not all guys just date to just “get laid.” Afterall, there is no shortage of online dating websites and apps for that purpose.
Nemo (surprise, surprise) is bored of the first date. For the most part, every first date is the same. It’s like that movie “Groundhogs Day,” but it may be a far worse experience (after a while) than being stuck in dreary old Punxsutawney, PA for eternity. Most first dates with complete strangers result in often forced conversations about yourself and the other person’s background. (Of course, one would hope that the conversations would flow and that one would have that special “ehem” thing called Chemistry with that person, but that usually is not the case). Nemo has become so bored by the first dates (he has been on many) that he has started to “change things up” by discussing other non-introductory manners with the object of his affection of that particular evening. Unfortunately, this approach has not really created the “intimacy” one craves when connecting with a person. It is, of course, still a first date.
It has come to the point that dating is like a job interview, but instead of trying to sell yourself as an asset to the employer, you are trying to sell yourself as “the one.” It is exhausting! Anyone who has ever gone on several job interviews knows the mental stamina required to interview and be rejected repeatedly. Dating can be just as taxing, but at least its couth to have a cocktail. My wish for Nemo is that he takes his time to get to know the girl on these first dates so that he will want a second and a third. Nemo is a total catch. He is handsome and tall. He is educated and a musician. Any woman would be lucky to have him. He just needs to slow down a bit and perhaps pick a few women to go on more than one date with instead of first date, after first date, with several women. I am a strong believer that you can’t really tell about someone until date three. I mean as much as we would like to hit the first date out of the park, it usually is awkward. The second date you hope is much better. In turn, if the second date goes well you need to go on a third to make sure the second wasn’t some strange fluke.
There is no shortcut to the first date. It is a necessary evil. However, I would venture to say eventually one of those first dates with the “right” person would be worth all the bad ones.